Just Like Job

Since the year has started, it has felt like at least once a month, I should expect bad news. I should prepare myself for something not going according to plan and being completed thrown off the course I was once traveling. In January, I felt defeated at the news that my court date with my ex, resulted in him gaining visitation (long story short, he has already violated his visitation agreement that he requested). In February, I discovered I hadn’t been accepted into the doctoral program I had spent months and even years dreaming about. And now, in March, I have received the news of a close friend’s death.
Each moment had resulted in sending me in this backward spiral that made me want to forgo everything. Plans that I had carefully put together. Ambitions that I was ready to hit the pavement running with. They all came to a screeching halt at the news of each of these things, to the point I found myself confused as to how to address how I felt without feeling idiotic that there would have been a different result.
However, Sunday, as I sat in church, once again feeling defeated and wondering how to get out of this spiral of depression that I knew I was on the verge of sinking into, my Pastor shared the story of Job. How God had given the Devil permission to essentially turn his life upside down, because God knew that no matter what happened, Job would never denounce Him and wanted to prove to the Devil that the faithful will never despair. As I listened to my Pastor continue his sermon, drawing direct correlations to what can be considered issues we encounter daily, he said something that resonated in me; the Devil will not attack those that he already has. And just like that, it felt like these past couple of months were nothing more than a test of my faith than an actual blow meant to keep me on the ground.
Since the start of January, I have been dancing with excitement about a business idea I had. Actually, since January, the vision of that business idea has expanded, growing in momentum and making me want to do nothing more than get started on turning it into reality. The hiccup with the court case threw me off a bit, sending me into an emotional spiral, where I was ready to forsake my ambitions because my feelings were disregarded. Yet somehow, I managed to pick myself up, more determined than ever to turn things around. And in February when the news of not being accepted arrived, that defeat returned, this time sending me into another emotional spiral because once again my feelings had been disregarded. I mean, I had a backup. I had always had a backup plan to not getting accepted, but for some strange reason, that was the last thing on my mind. And now, as the funeral of my friend rapidly approaches, I’m reminded again of that emotional downward spiral I was thrust into at the news of his death. I was ready to forsake everything for the sake of grieving, although I will admit there was a spike in adrenaline to just push forth with my dreams and make something happen. But once that had settled, I was ready to settle. 
I believe the sermon on Sunday was meant for me. I have let the misfortunes of these past couple of months make me narrow-minded and unable to focus on the bigger picture. And whenever, I start to focus on the bigger picture again, and start to feel good, I’m once again thrust back into emotional turmoil. But now I understand. I get it.
I just have to be like Job.


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