For the past few weeks, I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Why is it I keep waking up early regardless of how little sleep I get and lying in bed in this dazed like state as if I don’t have to get up and get ready for work and my day? Why is it as soon as I get to work, I sit at my desk and immediately try to figure out how quickly I can get the day to go by without so much effort on my part to do much of anything? And then it finally dawned on me.
The passion is gone.
Or maybe the passion was never there. Maybe, I was more so passionate about my own personal achievements that I’ve allowed it to outweigh my actual job and now that I’ve topped my personal best and consistently top it without very much effort on my part to do so, I’m beginning to feel drained and lackluster about everything. I can’t tell you the amount of times inspiration hit me and I was hit with the reality that as inspired as I’ve become, there’s no way to truly allow it to manifest. There’s no way to truly explain the frustration of needing to be creative and feeling as though you are forced to contain it because your current space doesn’t allow for such a venture.
Slowly and surely, I’m beginning to recognize more and more that this time constraint I’ve put on myself with this particular field of work just isn’t going to work. There’s no way I can achieve the level of success and happiness that I want, if I continue to stifle my craft and gifts for the sake of a paycheck that if we are being frank, I feel as if doesn’t properly account for the level of work that I do or rather have done since the moment I agreed to leave my old place of employment for this. And now, I feel trapped and sucked of all passion and energy and creativity, doing the same thing over and over again, with no real change in actual dynamic.
So in summary, my creativity is being stifled. I feel extremely lackluster. I’m ready for a change.
Now it’s just figuring out to rectify the situation that I’ve gotten myself in.