If this weekend has taught me anything, it’s that you can succeed and fail all at once.
Last night, I completed the 7 Day Squat Challenge. As someone who has always been interested in working out and living a healthier and active lifestyle, I’ve always had difficulty working up the necessary motivation to get through a single workout routine without giving up on it and saying I’ll do it later. Granted, with this challenge, I prayed my exhaustion would beat me out and I could skip a day and then ultimately push back the entire challenge, my boyfriend greeted me with the stubbornness of a mule who refused to budge. So I completed the challenge and I felt accomplished in a way that I had never felt accomplished prior.
But with the success of completing this fitness challenge, came the failures of everything else that I worked so hard for in the past. For starters, last week, I pretty much ditched all efforts to complete any necessary schoolwork possible. I didn’t have the motivation for it. Every time I pulled up the discussion question, I found something more interesting to focus on and ultimately, no homework got done last week, which I then promptly blamed the fitness challenge for. If I didn’t have to get out of bed after putting my daughter to sleep for the challenge, I wouldn’t have exerted all the remaining energy I had to complete my assignments. But even in saying that, I know I’m lying.
The second failure came in allowing gossip and talking about others consume me. The very things that middle school me loved and enjoyed, I had once again befallen, thanks to the posting of middle school pictures on Facebook and my class providing a slew of commentary both negative and positive. Suddenly, I was caught up reading each new comment and passing judgement on people that were no longer a part of my daily life and enjoying those moments in which I laughed at their misfortune because the fortune I was blessed with. And while it might not necessarily be deemed as being anything bad because people do it from time to time, as soon as I begun, there was no stopping me. I reverted to the old me. Twelve year old me. I was venomous and mean. I was hypercritical. I let things affect me that shouldn’t, all for the sake of having something to talk about later, only to realize I had no one to really talk about it to, that would ultimately care about the people I haven’t seen in over ten years that twelve year old me used to associate with because she had no one else to be friends with.
The third failure is a bit of a double whammy. I took the easy way out of conflict. My daughter misbehaving and my friend being an emotional state that didn’t translate well to others, I decided to be okay with, because I didn’t want to deal with it. I didn’t want to deal with the necessary reprimanding or conversation about why it was unacceptable and why they shouldn’t behave as such, regardless of what is directly affecting them and that they are using as justification. But it was mostly because I much rather prefer to justify a person’s actions than admit that there is no justification. And because of my need to avoid conflict regarding them, I ended up in conflict.
So while I may have experienced a great high from having one success, I was also dealt the blow of three failures.