I’m ready for the next chapter of my life.
It’s strange to think that just over a year ago, or rather maybe two, I was in a place where I was so dissatisfied with life that I was willing to settle on every front. I was willing to accept defeat in such a way that I told myself marriage wasn’t for me. I blamed my careless decision in being with my ex and having a child in that relationship for my current state of doom.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never ever regretted my daughter. But I have regretted her father.
For a long time, I just wished I could go back in time and swap him out with someone else. I told myself that if he were someone else maybe there wouldn’t have been as ugly of a breakup. Maybe there wouldn’t have been a breakup at all. Maybe I could have had my happily ever from the moment I discovered I was in fact with child.
But here I am, with my three year old daughter and my blossoming relationship with my boyfriend and all I can think about is how ready I am.
For the first time, I’m not in a relationship where all I can do is dream about my wedding day. Where the only real focus I have is on the wedding and/or potential of the wedding. For the first time, I’m thinking about the actual marriage. The waking up every morning and going to sleep every night with someone that I love. The preparing meals and getting kids ready and stealing kisses in between with my significant other. The waiting for the kids to go to bed and coming up with creative places to have some alone time together. I’m just ready for it.
I want to go appliance and furniture shopping and be forced to compromise on things, while getting my way with others, and not having my way at all. I’m just so ready.
And as much as the conversation of weddings comes up between me and my boyfriend because of my close friend’s upcoming nuptials, it isn’t really my focus. Yes, I’m concerned with making sure everything goes as planned the day of, but I’m more focused on waking the next morning a married woman. I’m more focused on signing my new name. How will my signature change? How soon can I have all my documents updated with my new last name? How long until people start recognizing me as his wife? Until we expand our family? Until we are celebrating our first year of marriage? Our second? Our third?
I’m just ready for this next chapter of my life and the wait to start it, is honestly killing me.