You know what the worst part about fighting with a significant other is?
When it’s all said and done and it’s evident you both need some space from each other to get your mental right, who do you turn to? Who do you hash things out with and replay the fight to for some much needed insight? Of course everyone has friends and family, but can they honestly be trusted with that kind of information?
If it’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that the minute you get into a fight with a significant other and turn to your family and friends for comfort, they immediately make you the victim and the other person the enemy. They can’t forget the fight. They can’t let it go. They keep track of it and measure it up against their book of what is and isn’t acceptable in a fight within a relationship.
Suddenly those angry tears caused by frustration, are just tears, and that person made you cry. They should be ashamed of themselves. They’ve hurt you and there is no greater sin than that. You threw something out of anger or something broke, or it almost got physical, and they just see violence against you. It’s an unhealthy relationship and you have to leave now.
But if we are allowed to be frank, they can’t be held wrong for these perceptions. When you paint the picture perfect relationship for them and don’t show them the mini arguments and fights, when you have that big blow out with your significant other, you’ve opened a can of worms and given them reason to suddenly scrutinize your relationship and look for any visible flaws. And naturally, they will find them.
He’s too controlling. He’s too clingy. He’s not letting you breathe. Why does he always have to know?
And then suddenly you are asking the same questions they are. You begin undermining your own relationship in search of answers to questions you never had. Looking for a resolution to a problem that never existed until your friends and family turned it into a problem for you. And then suddenly, they can no longer be happy for you and your relationship. It doesn’t matter if the fight is resolved or if you and your significant other have gotten over it. They haven’t. You’ve removed the rose colored glasses and now they are adamant about their dislike and disapproval of your relationship. You nor your relationship receive the benefit of the doubt from them anymore.
So what do you do when you get into a fight with a significant other and you both need some space to clear your mental? Who do you turn to? Who do you rehash the fight to in the hopes of gaining some insight?