That’s what I’ve decided to call it, the “God Moment,” since experiencing it earlier last week.
I just remember sitting at my desk, finishing up my prayer request for the day, when it just consumed. It felt like I was suddenly radiant or glowing. As if a thousand voices were praying, all at once, for me and on my behalf. I couldn’t help but smile and to feel giddy and want to jump out of my seat and start shouting and praising and singing praise and worship songs and just declaring how good God is. But, I knew doing such a thing, in the middle of the work day, no matter how much I wanted to, would get me weird looks, so I remained seat, wrote down a long prayer of thanks and rejoiced. I then emailed my boyfriend and tried to share as much of that moment as I could with him.
All I knew, in that moment, was that it had already been done. All my prayers had been answered, even the ones I whispered, cause I was unsure if I should have been praying for. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It was almost like I could see clearer. Breathe easier. I just felt jubilant.
It felt like God, himself, had just given me vision. Cause all I could think about was summer, July, and everything coming together by then. A home in Maryland in which my boyfriend would go to set up because he just got a job in Maryland, a job he was more than excited to begin. I saw doors opening and realized that last Friday, I was about to embark on the next chapter of my life. And I wasn’t wrong in that assertion.
Now, as I sit here, stilling blissfully joyful from that moment last week and still riding the waves of it, all I want is for it to come back to me. To have another moment like that. To be able to look at my boyfriend and myself and say stop worrying, it’s already been done. Everything has been set for us, it’s just a matter of acting now. It’s just a matter of touching it and claiming it. It has already been given. It is already ours.
Last night, as I looked at apartments and finally settled on an apartment out of the few we had previously looked at, I realized it was ours. I knew as soon as we contacted the appropriate person, that we would have it. That the person would give it to us without hesitation. That it was as good as our own. But more importantly, I knew once I started to look at it, that this was the apartment meant for us. I zoned in and I couldn’t focus elsewhere. My heart was set on it. My heart, which had looked at its share of nicer apartments, had gravitated to this one apartment, that we had looked at previously and that while I liked, I hadn’t been sold on immediately. Yet yesterday, my heart clung to it. It memorized its name and its layout and everything there was to memorize about this apartment and I knew it was the one.
I swear, that God moment I had has shook the very foundation of everything that once stood before me. Now I’m sitting here, not even looking back and working on touching and claiming all that God has given to me and told me is mine, if only I am to say that it is or if I am to touch it. So that’s what I’m doing. And He wasn’t wrong. It is mine. I know it is.