When I was younger, the notion of getting married was more than just planning the perfect wedding. It also included the perfect engagement.
I imagined being surprised at dinner with a ring in my dessert. I imagined a heartfelt speech before my future husband got down on one knee and asked me to become his wife. But I think this idea was caused heavily by the influence of the type of proposals that I saw on television day in and day out.
It wasn’t until much more recently that the idea of proposals that didn’t resemble that classic proposal became something I was remotely more interested in. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have a few ideal proposal ideas in my head for my future husband to use to propose to me. Or one for almost every occasion.
I like the idea of an advent calender proposal, in which he would present me with an advent calender (not necessarily for advent, but a calender similar in style) and have the engagement ring waiting in the box for the last day for me to open. I also like the idea of a scavenger hunt type of proposal, in which he provides me with clues all day long leading up to him being on bent knee. I also like idea of waking up to an engagement ring on my finger and a flash-mob proposal, in which all my family and friends are in on it and completely catch me off guard when they break out into song and dance. I also like the idea of a proposal in which my husband-to-be would use my daughter to do the proposing.
But much more recently, I’ve been pondering the idea of doing the proposing myself.
Why should the husband-to-be get to enjoy all the anxiety and planning that goes into a proposal and why I should I have to wait around on him to do it? Especially if we are both in the same place, of being ready to do it, and are just waiting around for what we consider to be ideal timing or the necessary money for the ideal engagement ring.
But the notion of the female proposing, while still relatively new, is highly criticized. From my experience, most of the females and males I know that have anything negative to say about it, usually don’t have much of a basis for not liking it, except for it breaking tradition.
I remember when my older sister wanted to propose to her now fiance and one of her friends was highly disgusted by her idea of doing so. For the life of me, I couldn’t quite figure out why. If two people know what they want and have discussed it more than once, why should it matter who does the actual proposing?
Or maybe it’s from my years of playing the Sims, in which I often times had to make my female sims do the proposing and making the first moves to get the story moving along the way I wanted. Plus, I wasn’t into using cheats to just get the guy sim to do it.
To be quite honest, I won’t mind my engagement not even being represented by rings and having it be more of mutual agreement between us that we are getting married and we can start planning the wedding and saving the money for it.
Yet, in saying all this, I can’t help but imagine my engagement to be along the lines of me getting on bent knee and asking my boyfriend to marry me and him telling me to stand up, because he’s trying to propose to me instead. And there we’d both be on bent knee, urging the other to stand up and put the ring on, and refusing to put on the rings we bought each other, all for the sake of saying that we were the one to propose.